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I have major depression

I am only writing this as I am certain nobody I know follows me. I just feel as though I need to talk about it to get it out. So I’ve been diagnosed with it for coming onto 6 months. It all started when my boyfriend broke up with me. I’m not one to believe in love but I fell in love with him so deeply it scares me. He was my best friend for 2 years before we went out and our relationship was perfect. Until he just stopped feeling the same way. So he broke up with me less than a week before my year 12 exams. Not only did I loose my boyfriend, I also lost my best friend. We texted each night for 3 years so for that to stop made me so lonely. I discovered that my friends were fake and excluded me from their group. So I was alone. They asked that I wasn’t invited to places and they openly hate me. It was at the formal and I was going to one of their houses for an afterparty and half and hour before it ended he uninvited me. They are just so mean and are still rude to me now. I tried to become friends with my ex and all his friends again but they ignored me and act as if I don’t exist. So, as I had suddenly lost my friendship group I looked to some friends I had been close with. They weren’t understanding of my situation and within 3 days were telling me to get over it, there are people going through worse things. They didn’t know I had depression, nobody did. But still that isn’t how your friends should treat you. My depression became worse and I had planned suicide attempts. I had a noose under my bed. I wanted to die. I looked into moving schools but that wasn’t an option. I Had the forms on my desk ready for me to drop out of school and attend tafe, to become a nurse through a different method. I started hanging out with this three girls I barely knew. Now I am proud to say they are my closest friends and I can say that I am going to graduate tomorrow because of them. They put up with me and showed me how true friends should act. Meanwhile I had been receiving treatment on my depression. I still am. I have been trialling drugs but nothing seems to be quiet right. My depression has made my sleep problems worse and I know get only about 4 hours per night. I’m not nearly as bad as I was but I still have major depression. I have learnt how to mask some of the signs but sometimes I crack. My mum has had it with my depression and is telling me to get happy and to stop being so negative about everything. It’s hard because she makes me feel guilty about being depressed but I can’t help how I feel. It’s frustrating its like oh wait you don’t think I thought that it might be nice to feel happy for once. There is so much more to say but for now I feel content. I just needed to vent my anger and frustration. Nobody knows about three quarters of this. It feels like such a burden to have it out. If anyone read this. Please be understanding of people in a bad place. They may not be able to tell you but what they need most is the support of their friends and to know that they are loved.
Sorry for taking up your dashboard



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